Tension
by yuzu369
Summary: It's not that easy being a member of the Scouting Legion. You have to watch people die in vain and do nothing to help them. Rivaille takes Eren and all the others outside the walls in order for him to gain some more expirience. They both feel the tension raising between them because of all the stress. What will happen? YAOI Rivaille x Eren. Rated M for the next chapter.


**_Yo! This is my very first fanfiction in English, earlier I've only tried writing some drabbles. I do have a lot of expirience but in my first language which unfortunately isn't English so forgive me my awful gramatic *blushes*_**

**_Since I watched first ep of this awsome anime I instantly fell in love :3 I just had to read all chapters that are already out! I can't belive there are so few fics from Shingeki... And my favourite character is Rivaille so this story is dedicated to him and Eren *nosebleed* Rivaille's pov :3 It's gonna be short but some serious yaoi scene is coming next chapter ; Enjoy!_**

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**Chapter One: Deaths in vain**

"Guard this goddamn brat with your own lives. If we lose him, it's the end of us" the order sounded harsh, said with firm voice that knows no objections. The scouting legion members in light orange jackets and dirty green travel cloaks didn't response in any way, they had been trained perfectly and taught obedience to their superiors. No one dared to question that decision. Eren's life was now without a doubt of a highest priority. The whole division as they stood in one line, bowed. My word was absolute. At my command they entered the battle and at my command they died. No sooner no later and no never. Just when I told them to. I always stand alone in front of tens of people awaiting my behest. Alone I face the danger ahead. The best weapon humanity's ever had up until now. Corporal Rivaille.

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Ground was shaking under their feet. They were coming. Vibrations caused the parget to fall off the buildings nearby, and it looked as though as it was snowing. The hunt's began. But it's they that were prey, and we – hunters. I thrust my calves into black horse's sides beneath me, I hustled it to speed up the already deadly pace. The formation cannot be broken. If even one of us hesitate, we all lose – our order goes to hell. Bare walls reflected deaf echo of hundred horse's tramping, it sounded like a mourning march of death. Dignity of the moment was being broken only by nervous snorts and neighs. Here we are, the Scouting Legion. People moving forward to face the death. Those who will survive her cruel gaze are worthy to join our group, for the others only defeat remains. They will die, but what for? In vain. Victory cannot be achieved even with millions of lives. Maybe some time earlier it could be done that way, back when human's natural enemy was himself alone. Will I fall in this place as well? Forgotten by everyone I fight for, an abandoned hero of yesterday. No, it's not that simple. First I'm gonna take along into the bony embrace of Grim Reaper as many as I manage to, I'll drag them with me into the depths of hell. I won't let them extinguish the last hope of humanity.

In the speed of canter I caught a glimpse of aquamarine eyes. It was Eren staring at me. Surely he tried to figure out my thoughts, find out if I'm afraid or not. How easy to look through him, yet he was just a boy – simple and stubborn one. He still hasn't experienced the sweet odor of rotting blood, he hasn't been bathed in it as a sign of a war baptism. That what he already saw made up only a little piece of the daily nightmare behind the walls. And his existence as fleeting and fragile as the one that belongs to me. Yet in him lied all our visions of regaining the once lost pride. I will have to sacrifice myself in order for him to live through. I saw the way he follows me with his sight. He absorbed every expression on my usually emotionless face. I kept on my paper mask excluding the exceptional moments of madness when I just couldn't tame all the aggression that's been building up inside of me, couldn't restrain the sadistic nature. He'll either be dumb enough not to control his hatred or make up his mind and learn to trust my judgments. However decisions never bring the expected results so he has to choose blindly. Entrust your fate into these rough from holding onto swords hands of mine. You won't be disappointed. Just keep the formation!

The encounter was unavoidable. We all knew it. Besides we took that aim ourselves – we're gonna show this hell to the new recruits. But also we're gonna convince them about the true power of Scouters. Another squeeze of the calves, now even more determined, imperative. We're running out of time. And no one knows how many Titans pursue us. We must decide whether to stall or rather face them here in this moment. I already knew. One vigorous tug on the reins, black stallion almost reared while turning back in this hectic pace. I readied to fight with a 3D Maneuver Gear

"We're attacking!" I threw words short yet loud. Everyone heard. I felt the breath of Eren's horse on my arm. I looked back to face the incredible aquamarine eyes. Aquamarine and stubborn eyes.

"You better stay away from the fight. Keep close to the center of our formation" I instructed. I saw as he hesitated, turned his gaze away for a fraction of a second. I didn't know what was going on inside of his head this time. He doesn't want to watch the deaths of the people who mean nothing to him or maybe he doesn't want to watch the death of the despised commander, which one was it? Both options seemed possible. In the end however he resigned and backed away. In this exact moment I jumped off the horse, sudden gust of flight hit the face, winnowed black hair. Yet the belts held steadily, the gas pushed up enabling gliding between earth and heaven. Human could finally fly. I stood firmly at the rooftop to assess the situation. Other days, I would have felt free like a bird, high above the ground. However I was still at a disadvantage. Tall silhouettes of the Titans peered between the buildings. Disgusting, deformed faces deceptively resembling human ones just with an expression of pure insanity written all over. Their bodies naked and asexual. Those hereabouts luckily posed no threat to me. I drew the blades, one for each hand. Comrades from different divisions passed me on the fly initiating first attacks. I didn't have to help them, not yet. Situation was still under control.

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"Tell me the truth… Do you hate me?" I was staring into the bottomless aquamarine, I saw in it the herbaceous land we lost. Fragile weak hands pinned to the wall, hasty breath on my cheek, eyes widened in a mixture of astonishment and fright. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something yet he didn't know how to respond to my behavior. Instead he pulled away wrists in the act of useless effort to free himself. Smile rose on my lips and even though the pictures that ran through my mind were whatsover different from the temporary needs of my body, this time I could easily restrain them opposed to what I did during the trial. Eren drained away accepting his unavoidable fate. He had no chances of winning against someone like me.

"No, Corporal Rivaille" I felt him jerk a little while pronouncing my name.

"Good." I whispered. My knee wandered on his own right between pressed to the wall legs. Boy moaned quietly. He was completely unarmed, just like when faced with a group of Titans. As long as he kept on that form almost everyone could use him without any effort. Moreover he wouldn't be able to deny that he wants it as well. Certainly he must have gathered a lot of stress inside after today's escapade. It's hard to watch your comrades die in such a brutal way and know you cannot help them. But he has to learn how to live in this cruel world. Not only the Titans hurt us. People can also hurt people. And I wasn't told to protect him from them. And not from myself.

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_**I'm so sorry for finishing in this kind of situation, but... Well, you'll see. And the next one will be the last chapter I hope :3 'Till next time!**_


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